The Sun Will Always Rise

I am looking to the future.

I find the imagery of the sun so helpful in describing our life over these last months. I am glad to welcome Spring after Winter.

Many of you have asked when I might update my blog because you know my last post was to announce that we were to have a baby this month. Many of you also know the details on how that didn't happen. I don't know if this is the place to go into that, but I will explain briefly what has come of that. Monday, Oct 12, 2009 we went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find our baby no longer had a heartbeat. As we have been through this before, sadly, we went about our day as planned and the next morning checked into the hospital to induce labor and delivery of our baby boy, Evan Riley Bartmess born Oct 14th.

Riley seems to have passed away around 17 weeks of age. Since this is the second time something of this kind has happened to us at the same stage in pregnancy and both times to our boys, we have done numerous tests to determine a cause, if any. Our Chromosomes are both normal. My blood work came back all normal. We have been left with no scientific answer to this experience.

The last 5 months have been a very interesting experience in understanding the mourning process and that it is different EVERY time. I have my rock of a husband who holds on in Faith and wonderful friends and family who have been my sounding board and never once made me feel like I should be "over" this. It has been a bit challenging to have close family and friends be pregnant and due around the same time I was to be. Sometimes I needed my space and they gave it to me and sometimes I just took my space to be distant from them. Thank you for your patience with me and being true friends, allowing for me to feel what ever I might have felt.

Riley's due date, March 6th has come and past. As also has March 17th, the date of our Spencer Mark's birth. I am in a better place now and we are considering putting ourselves onto the roller coaster of pregnancy again, God-willing.

Jeff continues to work for Target. He puts in long hours and makes the best of something that he feels isn't best-suited for him. We continue to look for work elsewhere that might allow us to live closer to family and not have to work Sundays. Today I heard the story of the people of Alma who were in bondage. (Mosiah 24) How the Lord didn't deliver them from their bondage, but made their burdens to be light. I feel the Lord has done that for us, and I look forward to the time of deliverance.

Our Girls are growing strong and happy. Eliza and I are learning so much doing home school together. Norah is so independent and content and curious. Zoe is true to her name and likes to be the life of the party and the loudest in our home.

I keep busy with my calling in the Stake RS, (which I enjoy soooo much) with home school and all the other trillion jobs a SAHM has. I am content in this present moment.

Sure there are many things that try to throw me off my groove. Like someone breaking into our car and stealing the DVD player Screen. Or, hit and runs in the parking lots, or lost mail and house keys and broken deadbolts, or a late night call to the plumber when water starts coming up my sinks and tubs. All the things that cost a bit more dinero. I throw a quick pity party for 5 minutes, then take some deep breaths and the let it go and get to work.

I appreciate certain friends who have stepped up in my life and been my mother/sister/grandma and some all three at once, when I am so far from my family.

So I say I love the imagery of the sun, because 1) The sun is always shinning somewhere on the earth---There are good things happening all the time 2) I know that when the sun goes down, that it will rise again---hold on, the light will come. 3) It provides enough Vitamin D for me to not fall into depression. ;-)

Good times are only a sunrise away.

BABY #4

We are excited to announce the coming of baby #5, or Really #4 depending on how you look at it. Baby is due March 6, 2010. I am currently 14 weeks along. We would LOVE to have a little guy to temper the mood swings of all these girls, but a healthy baby will be just fine. Jeff, as always wants to wait to the END to find out the Pink or Blue. He is the Father, so I will go along, though I totally wouldn't mind "accidentally" seeing something on the Ultrasound screen here in a few weeks.

The girls are all very excited and constantly ask me to get the baby out "today". They finally understand to wait till at least after Christmas.

Jeff is very busy with work and as always continues to look for other opportunities. If you know people in the Retail Management Business...TOTALLY hook us up!

We have started Homeschool for Eliza (1st grade) and Norah (K4) It is fun, challenging and they are excited, which is the best part. We can normally get everything done in about 2 hours and have another 30 min in the Evening of worksheets. My current Plan is M/T/Th/F School and W Field Trip days because Jeff is usually off those days and can go with us someplace special. Zoe is the one I have to balance the most to make sure she gets her Morning nap in while we are hitting the books. :)

I am still consulting for SimplyFun, just not as aggressively as I was this summer. I do LOVE the games and products. They are so Fun, Family Friendly and Educational. Make sure you check out my website to find some awesome gifts for family/friends for the coming Holidays! tbartmess.simplyfun.com

We are headed out to go camping this next week. Our first Real Camping trip with all our own stuff. Excited is an understatement. 3 days at the Beach and a lot of fun memories.

Parable of the Pencil

I know that I haven't put anything up here for, oh, like 3 months. SO I thought to return and share something I heard in RS today. I really enjoyed the visual. So enjoy the thought.

I know we all experience hard times so just remember...



The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.

"There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."

"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."

"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.


Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Spring Dresses

So, one of the perks I would call it, of having 3 girls, is matching dresses. I know Eliza is going to be too old for it here soon, so while they all still think it COOL, I will take advantage of it. Children's Place has some really cute Spring Dresses and we got them for Easter and Pictures coming up here in a couple months. Eliza and Norah have been begging me to let them wear them, so we finally pulled them out Sunday. Jeff seemed to like them and coordinated with a Pink Tie. Guys can look pretty snazzy in pink ties I think, at least My Guy does.

It was a cloudy day, but here are the pics. ENJOY!

Make a Smilebox photobook